People express and receive love in different ways. Dr. Gary Chapman identifies these as the five languages of love: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

If you express love in a way another family member doesn’t understand, he or she won’t realize you’ve expressed your love at all. The problem is that you’re speaking two different languages.

Perhaps your husband needs to hear encouraging words, but you feel cooking a nice dinner will cheer him up. When he still feels down, you’re puzzled. Or, maybe your wife craves time with you; and the flowers you gave her just don’t communicate that you care.

Do you know each family member’s love language? Here is an exercise that your whole family can try. Within each group, rate the sentence 1 to 5 according to what would make you feel most appreciated and loved. The number 5 represents what you most appreciate; number 1, in contrast, is what you least appreciate in each group. (No individual grouping can have a number repeated twice.)

Group One

A___ Mom or Dad says, “You really did a great job on that. I appreciate it.”

B___ Mom or Dad unexpectedly does something in or around the house or your room that you appreciate.

C___ Mom or Dad brings you home a surprise treat from the store.

D___ Mom or Dad invites you to go on a walk just for fun and to talk.

E___ Mom or Dad makes a point to give you a big hug and kiss you before you leave the house.

Group Two

A___ Mom or Dad tells you how much he or she appreciates you.

B___ Mom or Dad volunteers to type your homework for you so you won’t have to.

C___ Mom or Dad brings you home a special food treat from the local bakery.

D___ Mom or Dad invites you to sit down and talk about your day.

E___ Mom or Dad gives you a hug even when you are just passing by room to room.

Group Three

A___ Mom or Dad during a party shares about the great grades you got in school.

B___ Mom or Dad helps pick up your room.

C___ Mom or Dad surprises you with a present you didn’t know you were getting.

D___ Mom or Dad surprises you with a special afternoon trip.

E___ Mom or Dad holds your hand as you walk through the mall or stands by your side with an arm around your shoulder at a public event.

Group Four

A___ Mom or Dad praises you about one of your special abilities.

B___ Mom or Dad brings you breakfast in bed.

C___ Mom or Dad surprises you with a book you always wanted.

D___ Mom or Dad plans a special night out for the two of you.

E___ Mom or Dad will personally drive you to an event instead of you having to go on the old, crowded bus with the team.

Group Five

A___ Mom or Dad tells you how much his or her friends appreciate you.

B___ Mom or Dad takes the time to fill out the long forms for school that you thought you were going to have to fill out yourself.

C___ Mom or Dad sends you something special through the mail.

D___ Mom or Dad kidnaps you for lunch and takes you to your favorite restaurant.

E___ Mom or Dad gives you a back rub.

(Transfer your scores from your test questions to the scoring profile below.)

	Encouraging Words	Acts of Service	Gift-Giving	Quality Time	Touch
Group 1	A___	B___	C___	D___	E___
Group 2	A___	B___	C___	D___	E___
Group 3	A___	B___	C___	D___	E___
Group 4	A___	B___	C___	D___	E___
Group 5	A___	B___	C___	D___	E___
Totals	A___	B___	C___	D___	E___

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Compare your score with your spouse/child/parent. Write down from the primary to the least of the love languages of each family member.

1.______________________

2.______________________

3.______________________

4.______________________

5.______________________

Designed by Gary and Joy Hanson – Copyright © 1999 by Growing Families International. All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.