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| Character Journal No.16 | Self-Control |
The Character Journal is a monthly e-zine designed to help parents teach Biblical character qualities to their children. Each month a different character quality is presented with suggestions for Bible lessons and projects. The length of time you spend teaching these principles to your children each day is not nearly as important as your sincerity and consistency. Begin each time with a relevant hymn or chorus. Then take a verse, theme or story from the suggestions below as the basis for your daily "Bible Time" with your family. Give relevant application of the lesson to your family; and don't forget to ask your children the questions: Who? What? Where? Why? When? and How? Get each member of the family involved by assigning different verses to be read. Finally, conclude your time with family prayer.
Bible Verses Related to Self-Control
Spend an evening (or several) looking at just one of these verses at a time. Don't forget to ask your children the questions: Who? What? Where? Why? When? and How? Discuss with your family what each verse or story teaches about the character quality; and give vital application of how this quality can be applied to your family. Choose several verses to memorise together as a family during the month.
NOTE: The black coloured text indicates the number attributed to the Greek or Hebrew word in Strong's Concordance as well as a transliteration of the word and its pronunciation. The blue text shows all of the ways that the original word is translated in the Authorised Version. The number beside each of the various words indicates the number of times it is translated in that way; and the number at the end indicates the total number of times the original word appears in the Bible. The red text gives a more technical definition of the original word. In each case, the first time the original word is used is listed first. For the sake of space, not all occurrences of the original word is given but enough to show the various ways in which the word is used.
For a more complete study, we suggest you use the Online
Bible which you can download free of charge from our web site at http://www.hlm.org/html/files.htm.
3a) controlling one’s self, temperate, continent
- 1) strong, robust
- 2) having power over, possessed of (a thing)
- 3) mastering, controlling, curbing, restraining
How to Demonstrate Self-Control
at Home
at Work/School
at Church
The "I Wills" of Self-Control
-Character First! Education Series 2
- (1) Continual strife among pastor and deacons, and pastor and people, and people and people. Remember that Proverbs 29:22 says, "An angry man stirreth up strife."
- (2) Empty pews and people going to churches that don’t teach and preach the Bible just to get away from the angry spirit in the Bible-believing church. One preacher said to me, "I don’t believe all the people I ran off for years and blamed it on them when it wasn’t anything but my own angry spirit."
- (3) A plague of anger is spread throughout homes, businesses, and society.
- I was very careful how I chose those words. Anger is like a contagious plague! Since the anger is behind the pulpit, it must be right not only for there but for anywhere else. But that’s not the worst problem we have in this area. We are not simply defending and justifying a carnal work of the flesh. We are also promoting the spread of something that God himself says is contagious like a deadly disease. Proverbs 22:24-25 says, "Make no friendship [the Hebrew word means to pasture or feed] with an angry man [the Hebrew word means "ruler" or "leader"]; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: [WHY?] Lest [means "beware] thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul." When a preacher stands in the pulpit with an angry spirit, the fathers in the church "catch it" and don’t know they have it. Then many of the youth rebel against their parents and we can’t figure out how or why it has happened. I know this isn’t the only reason for problems in our churches and homes, but it is probably a bigger one than we realize.
- (4) Vengeance is being handled by someone not Biblically qualified to handle it. An angry preacher may think he is giving reproof and correction. In reality, he is exercising vengeance upon God’s people.
- (5) It causes us to lose the battle to spread God’s truth among the nations of the world. Our spirit of anger weakens or neutralizes our presentation of the truth.
- The truth of the spirit is not the most powerful when it is presented with a work of the flesh. The truth of the spirit is the most powerful when it is presented with the fruit of the spirit.
- A pastor said to me, "But couldn’t the intensity of our presentation of the truth cause people to think we’re angry when we’re really not?" My reply to him was this: "Our love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance should be so obvious that there would be no question about our being angry." The Holy Spirit knows better how to use His Sword than do we! Let me make clear what I’m saying here. I am not against strong, clear, plain, powerful, bold preaching. I’m for that. I am for preaching that exposes sin and Satan. What I am saying is this: It may be a fine line, but there must be a line drawn: between being emphatic or being enraged; between being fiery or being frightening; between being watchful or wrathful. There must be a line between correction and condemnation; between intensity and indignation; between reproving and raging. I’m not suggesting passivity. No great leaders in the Bible were passive men. I am suggesting that our attacks and our defenses be filled with spiritual propriety and humility and a heart of concern. 1 Peter 3:15 says, "But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you, a reason of the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear."
From the message, "Freedom from the Spirit of Anger" by Dr. S.M. Davis
Self-Control on the Battlefield
"The battlefield is chaotic and deadly, and it is on the battlefield that we hold the responsibility of enormous destructive power in our hands. There, most of all, self-control is the premier ethical virtue."
"Self-control is a crucial value for all Marines to develop. It requires discipline, patience, self-understanding and a willing deference to others and the greater good. In a hectic world where so many things are beyond our control, self-control provides personal balance and a firm anchor of peace."
"As Marines develop self-control, they also improve their character."
Semper Fidelis, C.C. Krulak, 1996
Achieving True Success by Building a Character Family, IACC, Oklahoma City
Epigrams
If thou wilt conquer thy weakness thou must not
gratify it - William Penn
You Can't Run the Country If...
With his six-foot, three-inch frame, and carrying over 210 pounds, former President Lyndon B. Johnson was given some weighty wisdom by his wife. Mrs. Johnson told the President: "You can't run the country if you can't run yourself." The President took that word to heart, and pulled his weight down to about 187 pounds.
Dr. Maltie Babcock was approached by a member of his congregation who was concerned about his health. Handing Dr. Babcock some theatre tickets he said, "Take these. You need the recreation of going to this play." His pastor looked at them. Seeing they were tickets to a play of a kind he could not conscientiously attend, he said kindly, "Thank you, but I can't take them. I can't go."
"Why not?" the physician asked.
"Doctor, it's this way. You're a physician - a surgeon, in fact. When you operate, you scrub your hands meticulously until you are especially clean. You wouldn't dare operate with dirty hands. I'm a servant of Christ. I deal with precious human souls. I wouldn't dare do my service with a dirty life."
-The Expositer
Five Probing Questions
-Character Clues Game, IBLP
TEMPERANCE-INTEMPERANCE
(A) TEMPERANCE (Select Readings)
#Pr 23:1-35 Isa 5:1-30 28:1-29 Da 1:1-21
(1) General References to
#Pr 21:17 23:1,2 25:16 Ac 24:25 1Co 9:25 Ga 5:23
#Tit 2:2 2Pe 1:6
(2) Total Abstinence from Strong Drink
Enjoined upon the Priests #Le 10:9
Law from the Nazarites #Nu 6:3 De 29:6 Jud 13:4
The Wise Man’s Injunction #Pr 23:31
Rule for Kings #Pr 31:4
The Law of the Rechabites #Jer 35:6
Daniel’s Temperance Principles #Da 1:8 10:3 Mt 11:18
John the Baptist a Total Abstainer #Lu 1:15
Brotherly Love Demands #Ro 14:21 1Co 8:13
(B) SELF CONTROL
(1) The Duty of
Over the Spirit #Pr 16:32 25:28
Over the Life #Ac 24:25
Over the Lusts of the Flesh #Ro 6:12 1Co 6:12
Over the Tongue #Jas 3:2
A Cardinal Virtue #2Pe 1:5-7
(2) Examples of
#Jer 35:6 Da 1:8 1Co 9:27
(C) DRUNKENNESS
(1) Warnings Against
#De 21:20 Pr 20:1 23:20,29-31 Ec 10:17 Isa 5:11 28:1 Na 1:10
#Hab 2:15 Lu 21:34 Ro 13:13 1Co 6:10 Eph 5:18 1Th 5:7
(2) Examples of
—Noah #Ge 9:21
—Nabal #1Sa 25:36
—Uriah #2Sa 11:13
—Elah #1Ki 16:9
—Ben Hadad #1Ki 20:16
—Ahasuerus #Es 1:10
—Watchmen of Israel #Isa 56:12
—Kings of Israel #Ho 7:5
—Other examples #Joe 3:3 Lu 12:45 1Co 11:21
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The Impact of Negative Words
Desires Are Not Rights
-Character First! Education Series 2
A recent report listed the top offences in state owned schools in the United States during the 1940's as being: talking, chewing gum, making noise, running in the halls, getting out of turn in line, wearing improper clothing, and not putting paper in waste baskets. Today the top offences are: rape, robbery, assault, burglary, arson, bombings, murder, suicide, absenteeism vandalism extortion, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, gang warfare, pregnancies, abortions, and venereal disease. Even in Britain, the temptations and pressures our children face today are, perhaps, greater than in any other generation.
Over the last number of months we've been looking at how to effectively pray for your children. Because if you aren't praying for your children then it's most likely that no one else is either
We've already looked at the importance of praying diligently for the salvation of our children at an early age. We need to pray also that they will have a hatred for sin. Third, that they would be protected from the evil one. Fourth, that they would respect those in authority over them. And fifth, that they will desire the right kind of friends.
Today, we want to begin by looking at the importance of praying that they will be kept from the wrong mate and saved for the right one. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"
After your children's salvation, one of the most important decisions they will ever make is who they will marry. Yet so many young people today base their decision on nothing more than emotions. The only basis for a young Christian couple to consider marriage is not that they feel "love" for each other but the assurance that God has brought them together. Feelings come and feelings will go and if your children do not have God's blessing upon their marriage it is almost certainly doomed for disaster,
Statistics give us the tragic fact that over one in three marriages will end in the divorce courts. The majority of marriages which survive this statistic are by no means immune from problems. In the remaining two thirds of marriages which survive the divorce courts, there are many other marriages which are experiencing psychological divorce - this is where a couple may live in the same home together but they are not experiencing the oneness or harmony which God intends for their marriage. For these couples, holy wedlock has become a holy deadlock.
Sociologists tell us that the kind of relationship most marriages experience today is, what they have termed, utilitarian. A utilitarian relationship is the sort of relationship you have with a waitress or shop assistant – I want her services, I don’t want her.
Would it shock you to learn that most marriages in Britain - including Christian marriages - are utilitarian. They are based on services. She does the laundry, she takes care of the children, and cooks the meals; he makes the money, he does the repairs - but so far as an intimate, warm, loving relationship is concerned, it's just not there.
One of the major reasons why couples do not enjoy the oneness and harmony in their marriage that God intends is because God was left out of the decision making process right at the beginning. God has a very specific plan and purpose for our children's lives that includes who they should and should not marry. And we need to pray diligently that they will be kept from the wrong mate and saved for the right one.
We also need to pray that they, as well as those they marry, will be kept pure until marriage. I Corinthians 6:18-20 says, 'Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost [which is] in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."
This means that if you as a parent have been involved in past immorality you need to be aware that your children will experience overwhelming temptations in this same area. The generational sins that are passed down through the family line are incredibly strong especially when sexual immorality is involved!
In my counselling ministry I've now learned that if a child is exhibiting unusual sexual behaviour or is sexually alert at just four or five years old, it is usually because of the influence of generational sins which can go back as far as four generations. One father recently shared with me his concerns about his eleven year old son who had been involved in several different sexual perversions. I asked the father about his own moral life and he confessed to being in deep bondage to pornography. This pattern repeats itself time and time again. Numbers 14:18 says, "The LORD [is] longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression and by no means clearing [the guilty], visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth [generation]."
If you have been involved in past immorality then you need to ask God to take back that surrendered "ground" that you've given to the enemy, and you need to ask Him to halt the progression of generational sins upon your children.
As I talk to Christian young people today there are two areas that many do not want God to control: their music and their dating! These are such crucial areas in a young person's life and they fail to recognise that any area of their life that they do not want God to control, Satan and his demons will!
The sexual relationship is a wonderful gift that God has given to us to be enjoyed within the confines of the marriage relationship. I am very much against this very recent phenomena of the boyfriend/girlfriend game that we encourage our children to be involved in and then we wonder why there are so many of them fail morally. Pray diligently that they, as well as those they marry, will be kept pure until marriage.
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